Earlier this year – I met a girl. I started to date this girl. This girl had just got out of a bad relationship with the father of her baby. Everything was cool but I found that in every conversation – every fuckin’ one – I heard things like – “Brian never did that” or “When Brian would go there…” or Brian this or Brian that – It was not only incredibly annoying but I started to continually feel compared to Brian! I brought this fact up but to no avail. I came to the conclusion that I was simply there to fill the void that Brian had left.

I broke up with the girl. Long story short – we have been going back and forth for several months. I did see the error of my thinking and tried to get back together with her. She told me that she did not trust me. She just wanted to be friends. Well, I found this option to be one that was not going to work. I cannot be “friends” with a girl that I have feelings for – so I tell her my dilemma and she basically tells me tough fuck. She was constantly saying things like “Why doesn’t a guy ask me out?” and “I wish someone liked me”. Hello!! I’m sorry – I felt like I was going to get hurt – fuckin’ excuse me!!! I’m still here – willing to work on my fear, you know….So – I move on.

Yet – she continues to email me and read my blog like a lost lovesick puppy. She plays my heart like a fuckin’ yoyo on a bungee string. She doesn’t get the point that I want nothing to do with her because it’s too fuckin’ hard to be “friends” with someone like that. But she pushes on. And on. And on!!

Well, she sends me an email “warning” me that she will be at the Comedy Club this past weekend and asks me if I could “arrange” it so I was not there. Excuse me Ice Princess?? I work there! That’s like my turf! So back off Bitch! Well, it just so happens that my show is cancelled but my friend, Mark (The Chinaman), was the headliner. I only get to hang out with Mark when he’s in town and I was not going to “arrange” my absence.

So, I’m sitting there in the club – and like a stuck up celebrity, her majesty, the Ice Princess makes her ever so triumphant entrance.  She struts in with her posse like she’s the Queen Fuck. As luck would have it – she is seated within feet of me. I see her look at me and I know she saw me – how could she not – I was practically there at her fuckin’ table. Now, I’m in a wheelchair and she was up a few rows from me – I thought – “If she wants to talk, she can come to me.” How ever - she fails to sashay my way.

During the show I tell Mark the story and point her out when he notices that she is sitting next to a girl – a girl who has her arm around her….. I laughed – no, really – out loud! Anyway – I had told her before that I would have the Comics pick on her but then I realized that was childish and stupid but Mark was ready and willing to make fun of my, apparently now, gay ex-girlfriend. I passed on this golden opportunity as to shine as the better person.

After the show, I was sitting there talking to the comics and getting ready to watch the next show when I wanted a cigar. I reached in my bag to retrieve my cigar when I notice my cell phone has a text message. It was from Her Majesty. I call her back and tell her that I am willing to talk but – noooooooo; Princess has to make a big fuckin’ deal out of it and act like a five year old. I told her: “You know what? I’m 28 years old and I’m too old for fuckin’ games. Either you want to talk or not.” With that she continued to act like a ninth grader and so, I chose to go back in the show room with the adults and let the children play. Why can’t people be normal?

I have no clue why I just spilled all this out but it made me feel better to bitch about it. I know she reads this – Hey! You fucked up because you had to put on your little show – you lost a really great guy – I wash my hands of you!!

I swear – I see more women problems than a box of tampons.